"You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade."

I talked to my ex-boyfriend last night, for the first time since February. I have this weird need, desire to keep people in my life way longer than they probably should be. It is because I become attached to people easily and I care a lot about them. Hince why I still want to talk to J (that's what we will call him) after all this time.

It was a decent conversation, just catching up. A few things I did find interesting--he has quit smoking and drinking. Say what? I was surprised, good surprised. I told him that he can keep to it. Next interesting thing, wants to move away to NC. It didn't hurt when he told me this. The last time he told me he wanted to move out of state, it stung. But...I'm not that attached anymore since we have a rollercoaster of a relationship (eh i use that term loosely).

We talk, we don't talk for months, we hang out/make out, don't talk for months, etc. It's a vicious cycle really. But I seem to keep going back for more! And I have changed my feelings on this cycle lots of times. At first it would get my hopes up of us getting back together, then those hopes would be crushed. But now I am content with talking to him every once in awhile, seeing him rarely. And with summer fast approach I will be in the same city with him for four months. I wouldn't be surprised if we see each other, which will lead to making out...always does. But hey, he is a great kisser ;) ha.

"You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade." You're Not Sorry//Taylor Swift

Great lyrics, and describes the situation with J. Used to think he was an amazing guy. Funny, hot, slight bad-boy side, etc. And he was a great boyfriend, just didn't stick around long. Since then I have seen more of the bad-boy side than I wanted to. But I still know there is that good guy inside him and that he just puts on an act. The good thing is I'm no longer trying to pull that guy out of him so I can have the boyfriend back. Which makes me so much more happier.

So successful catch-up with him, and no expecting anything the next day!

((Ash))